Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Here’s my latest roundup of spelling fails.  They’re easy to find.  You see them on signs at stores (or on the highway), and especially, social media.  Each time I write about this, I think it may be the final edition.  Yet somehow, within a few weeks people send me a whole new batch.  I guess I should be thankful I have enough for a column.  Like the man said on Facebook, “Don’t take it for granite.”

Another well-meaning soul had some advice for young people who question the value of staying in school. She wrote, “Bad people can take your money, but they can’t take away your brian.” What if you don’t know anyone named Brian?

Referring to a child who had done well in his schooling, a proud mom wrote, “I think they should give him a trophy or a plague.” (I’d definitely go with the trophy.)

Not everyone is happy with their child’s school. Another mom wrote, “This teacher makes the homework too hard. She should give the instructions in plane English!” (Just sure everyone’s seat is in the upright position).

A new parent was happy to post a picture of twin babies. She probably should have been a little more careful when spelling their names. “We are so proud of our little ones! Our son is Michael and our daughter is Dense.” (Give her time, she’ll grow out of it).

It is common for folks to share their ailments online, because we all want to know, right? Like that guy with “carpool tunnel.” Or the one who had to get his “prostitute gland” removed.  One woman can no longer enjoy pizza because she is “lactose and tolerant.”  Still another said she missed an appointment. She wrote, “I can’t remember anything anymore. I wish I was like my husband. He has a pornographic memory.” (He could not be reached for comment.)

Politics is another hot topic on social media. One writer commented that a certain politician was “setting a bad president.” (If true, that is not unprecedented.)

Another political figure was criticized for being a “Communist synthesizer who should be tired in court.” (Maybe he’s worn out from playing all that Communist music.)

And one commenter was unhappy with a court verdict. “We need to replace these panty waste judges!”

Some folks like to comment about what they have watched on television.  Like the man who said he had seen too many commercials about “reptile dysfunction.” Or the one who said he was glad to see people getting arrested for “Fonzie schemes.” And why, a woman wrote, must the TV weather forecaster talk so much about the “Golf of Mexico?” (Don’t we have enough golf here in the USA?)

Speaking of the weather, one guy said he couldn’t wait for spring to get here. “I don’t like having to drive on ice and snot,” he wrote.  Yes sir, I don’t like the slippery stuff either.

After watching a famous actress win an award, one woman was not pleased. She wrote, “I am not a fan of Nicole Kidman. She used to be in that cult, the Church of Cosmetology.” (I had no idea she was one of those cosmetologists. I’ll bet Tom Cruise made her style his hair).

One of Blake Shelton’s big fans would probably like to re-do a Facebook post after his recent magazine front cover. “People magazine got it right this time,” she wrote. “Blake truly is the Sexist Man Alive.”

We all like to reminisce about our childhood.  One grandmother complained about kids today, always buying new clothes. “In my day, we had to wear hammy downs!” she wrote. “That’s all I had in my droors.” (I wonder if she was talking about my old friend, Chester Droors?)

The list goes on: writing about an upcoming election, one man wrote, “It don’t make no differents. It’s 61, or half dozen of the other.”  Another asked, “If somebody else is driving my car, can the police hold me reliable?” Then there’s the guy who said, “My son don’t even know what KFC stands for. I had to tell him it’s Kentucky Fired Chicken.” (Now we know the secret recipe: it’s Kentucky fire).

Still, my favorite spellcheck fail has to be the one shared in a text message between a mother and daughter. The daughter was telling mom what had happened on her date.  Her boyfriend had proposed, but she made one major spelling error.  She texted, “Mom, the date is over, and I want to tell you: I am ENRAGED!” Mom replied, “I’m not surprised.  I never liked him anyway.”

Until next time, “fill free” to send me your favorite spelling fails. When in doubt, “air” on the side of caution. As always, I’m at your disposable.

Here are links to my previous stories on Facebook and spellcheck fails: 

I Just love my boyfriend’s colon!

Up and Adam, everyone!

I found it in the Chester Drawers

Take it with a grain assault


About David Carroll

David Carroll is a longtime Chattanooga radio and TV broadcaster, and has anchored the evening news on WRCB-TV since 1987. He is the author of "Chattanooga Radio & Television" published by Arcadia.

2 thoughts on “Bad spellers of the world, untie!

  1. Elaine McEwen

    Enjoy these so much! We all need more laughter in our lives these days! I have a few myself. My husband used to work with a lady that said during inclement weather that “the main roads are fine, but the secretary roads are still icy”. I have also heard that it was going to be a few degrees colder at the chilli factory than it will be at my house. Several years ago on a “swap-n-shop” radio program a lady called in to say her son had a car for sale. It was a “ren-ought dope-fien” (Renault Dauphine). When the dj pronounced it correctly when reading it back to her, she corrected him, saying it her way again. I know many of the current things I see online may be because people are using “voice to text” features and the app does not know if you mean there, their, or they’re for example. Anything that sounds similar is fair game when you use a program like that. And on the subject of our old friend Chester, I saw a sign in front of a house a few years ago. Evidently he has taken up art. The sign said “For Sale Chester draws”

  2. Carolyn

    Although I had corresponded with this particular co-worker via email and on the phone, I finally got to meet her today. When I told her how happy I was to finally meet her, she, a classy lady, replied, “I had seen you from afar but never got to speak to you!” Teasingly, I asked if that were local Chattanooga lingo or my native Appalachian enunciation. I am not sure she understood but I laughed. 😊


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